10:38 A.M. Thoughts

I just woke up but mainly I just removed myself from my sleeping bed to my sitting bed. Basically, that means won’t be going back to sleep. I have to work today.

I have been fighting the usual feelings of sadness and inadequacy that I have been dealing with my whole life. I’ve had psychiatrists diagnose me with all kinds of terminal neurotransmitter conditions. The thing is, I have never accepted any of that crap, especially the bipolar diagnosis.

Now that’s not to say I didn’t jump onto the Major Depressive Disorder train and use it to my advantage for the last few years and I actually convinced myself that I really had that awful thing. I actually was on that train longer than I care to admit. Please don’t get me wrong, I 100% believe these ailments do exist and that many people, especially writers, have them. What I am saying is that FOR ME, I choose to believe I am in control of my mind.

There have been so many breakthroughs in quantum physics as it relates to neuroscience that I have zero doubt anymore about how my thoughts do create my reality. I have the luxury of that zero doubt because I have now gotten to an age that I can look back on the totality of my life which right now is at almost half a century, and I can see patterns of complete depressive bullshit and self-sabotage.

I love saying that half a century shit.

They say that if anyone studies anything for ten thousand hours or more they become an expert in that subject. Neuroscience is a subject that I have studied for years. I am not sure how many hours I have dedicated but I do know that I have put in at least 3000 hours since January of this year.

It is fact that humans are vibrational beings and it is fact that we live in a vibratory universe. It is fact that different frequencies affect us differently. It is also fact that we attract to ourselves the people and circumstances that are vibrating at the same frequency we are vibrating.

We have this thing in our brains called the Reticular Activating System. That system, I’ll call it “RAS”, is responsible for filtering in and filtering out the things which we think about the most. Without our RAS, we would die. In fact, when someone becomes so injured that you hear that the doctors had to put them into a “medical coma”, the doctors do that by shutting down our RAS. I just learned that new fact last week.

I realize I should be footnoting and citing, but I just woke up and I have to get my ass to work and I want to get this blog out before I leave, so I’m not citing shit. Anyone can google “Reticular Activating System” and find that everything I am saying is true.

My point is this: If I spend all day thinking about how depressed I am, I going to be fucking depressed. I am going to attract to me others who are depressed. I am going to attract to me situations that make me feel even more depressed.

I DO NOT NEED NOR DO I WANT THAT FUCK THAT SHIT I AM SO SICK OF THAT SHIT.

I choose now to wake up and be grateful that I woke. I choose now to police my thoughts and eliminate every thought that will only serve to make me feel like shit. You know what I do when those come? And believe me, they still come often AF. I recognize them and I then visualize the thought as a baseball and I’m at bat and the ball gets thrown at me and I hit it so hard with my bat that it bursts into pieces and the pieces are always this purple light and all of those purple light pieces get knocked into the NEVERSPHERE.

I AM making much progress.

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