One night in July when I was sixteen, I spent the night with a girl from school, not my normal routine. I only went over there because I was trying to see the boy who took my virginity. No big surprise when he never arrived few teenagers are ever that wise. I know I was not because as the night took shape I had no idea it would end in rape.

So the boy didn’t come and I was feeling dumb and the sister of my friend said, “I’m about to walk to circle K, I want to get some alcohol cause I had a good day.”

“Ok”, I said and I nodded my head and started to look for my shoes, maybe this would cure my shitty blues, anything to take my mind off the bruise which covered my heart with it’s dark purple hues.

So Dawn and I walked to the store, it was across the street from her apartment on the second floor. We opened the door and we walked inside me having no clue I was on top of a mountain that was about to landslide.

Two men were the first thing to catch my eye, one was the cashier and some other guy. The cashier was a man I had never seen before, his face was unremarkable, one easy to ignore. I do remember he had a mustache but other than that he looked like plain old white trash. I’m sure he lived in some trashy park made for trailers that was not a place I’d like to be especially after dark.

The men flirted with us but I didn’t flirt back, I didn’t want to anyway and it is true that I lacked any innate skills on how to flirt but even if I had the skills I would never have put them to work on that guy wearing an unwashed circle k shirt. I wouldn’t have done it with a gun to my head I would have just said, something people pleasy like, “I would but I can’t I have to go home instead, my dad gets real scary when he thinks I am dead”.

On our way out Dawn said to me, “we need a bottle of wine, don’t you agree?” Of course I agreed and I grabbed that bottle and then I grabbed us some beer, I had zero money and I had zero fear. Plus the guys were so nice, especially the cashier. He told us to take it and he was being sincere.

Dawn hugged guy two like someone she knew, we then walked back home to get a cork screw. We got the cork out and I killed that bottle. I did it quickly with my hand on the throttle. My god it felt good to get out of my skin….it was definitely my least favorite place I had to be in.

Dawn drank the beer and said she was drunk, I guess I was too, but I felt like junk. It didn’t take long before she found me and said, “Let’s go back to the store and get some forties instead”. Because I have a hard time with saying no, I nodded my head and she said, “let’s go”.

The vibe in the store changed when we left, cause when we came back the men were using words like, “theft” and other ones that I hated to hear, like “the police will arrest you if you don’t come in here”. Mustache guy said that to me as he pointed to the office door seemingly happy. I told him, “no I’m not going in there” and basically he said to me that he didn’t care. Then he picked me up and forced me in there. He took me off his shoulder and sat me in a chair.

Then he started unbuttoning his pants and at that moment I would have willed myself into a bed full of ants than be in this room, I was scared to death and knew not what to do. I told him no so many times and he said, “Bitch you’re about to pay for your crimes. I am going to fuck you and you’re going to let me and if you disagree, I’ll just call in the calvary. I’ll have you arrested for all the things that you stole so pull down your pants cause the crying is old.”

I pulled down my pants and I put my hands on my face. I cried and I cried and I could not escape. When it was over I walked out of that store, Dawn just left me , probably called me a whore. I went back to their house and I kept my mouth shut. I told no one what happened about how I was a slut. I blamed only me and wondered what would be if somehow my father found out I also remembered the cashier’s tag, his name was Rodney.

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