My words of late have been so few because I have spent my life being very used to writing only when my emotions were blue and black and my thoughts being focused on all that I lack that when I learned that those thoughts so exact are the reasons why the depression never failed to come back… in fact, the truth was that those thoughts never left, but have now overstayed their welcome but were so clever and deft in their tricking my mind to the point that the theft of any happiness for me to experience was something that I would experience forever.

I finally now know that isn’t the case. I can go to a mirror and look at my face I can see it and know everything is in place and always has been and I am not a disgrace. I am not ugly, nor stupid, I am value; I am worth and I have been since the very day of my birth. None of things I was told as a child, those things I believed, things cruel and so vile and not one of them held not thing true and I sit here at age 46 and I AM breaking through and that was a lie because of the tense, I broke through already to this side of that fence.

Now I can see the forest through the trees and the fence that I built while being so small is really quite incredible because it transformed into a wall which never would fall, it only increased in size every day withstanding every disaster I’d throw it’s way and then after I’d say to myself someone else sent the disaster when the truth the whole time is that I was and I am my own taskmaster.

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